To Maintain Spiritual Resilience, They Need…
- A Sense of Identity, of Value
For spiritual resilience, people need a sense of identity, of value. When you listen to your loved one’s stories from the past, you are reinforcing in them a stronger sense of personal identity and worth. They’re reliving a time when they felt more alive, more needed, more active within their world, than they do now. That’s what helps them regain the sense of identity.
So encourage them to mine their long-ago memories for stories… anything that comes to their memory gives you clues as to who they really are, and what some of their unfinished business may be. Browse through photo albums with them with the intent of really listening as they tell stories of the people in the photos.
We tend to know our parents and loved ones from the perspective of the child-adult relationship. But now you become a witness to the narrative and identity of their earlier years.
- A Sense of Community
Encouraging them to tell the stories is so important, because it restores to them – briefly – a sense of community. The community they used to be a part of. It enables them to re-member: to recreate and live in the events of the past that still stick in their mind. To rejoice in the good times, to laugh over the funny events, to shed a few tears as they remember a poignant experience. It’s all good therapy.
- An Opportunity to Deal with Unfinished Business
But more than this, as you listen carefully and compassionately, you may realize that there’s unfinished business here. When they tell you how it hurt when they weren’t chosen for the lead role in the play, or when the girl they fancied married their best friend instead, or when they were let go from their job… and you realize that the pain is as strong now as it was then.
That’s when you have the opportunity to be a gentle healer, as you encourage them to share the depths of their pain with Jesus, choose to forgive those who hurt them so badly those many years ago, and ask Jesus to heal their wounded heart. He will, and they will be set free to enjoy a new freedom in their spirit.
- A Chance to Ask Forgiveness
Sometimes you’ll hear them say they wish they could make something right with someone whom they had wronged long ago. Maybe the ‘someone’ has died, but asking forgiveness is still a powerful key to inner healing. Why not encourage your loved one to write a letter to that acquaintance (or offer to help them write it if they’re unable to do it themselves) saying how sorry they are and asking for forgiveness. If possible, encourage them to read it aloud with you as a witness.
- Revisit Altars Where God Met Them
You also want to encourage the stories of God’s amazing work in their lives. Telling those stories is like visiting the altars of memory and offering a sacrifice of thanksgiving, as they revisit the places where God did come through for them. Like when a very sick child pulled through against all odds. Or when God sent abundant rain just at the right time so there would be a harvest that fall. Or when the car broke down on a trip, and since they had no money to get it towed or repaired, they simply asked God to start it again… and He did.
Can you see how telling these stories rebuilds their flagging faith? That’s why God wanted His people to repeatedly tell the stories of His deliverance: it keeps faith alive, it restores our vision of God. So even if you’ve heard those stories a thousand times already, encourage your loved one to tell them again. And together celebrate the memory of God’s faithfulness.
So it’s clear that telling and re-telling their stories actually strengthens and enriches your loved one’s spiritual resilience, especially if you listen with the above thoughts in mind.
In my next blog I’ll be sharing a few other ideas of ways to build your loved one’s spiritual resilience.